Master Anecdotes
Walters, Wilson, A. Jones
C. L. WALTERS (pre-1948-1966)
Subject: English
Nicknames 'Wally', 'Wal' & 'Soapy'
Wally - one of his favourite authors was Joseph Conrad. I actually took his advice and read one and became completely hooked on Conrad's books. Those in my year might remember doing Conrad's "Set of Six" as one of the set books for "O" level. I also remember him rolling Keats' "beaded bubbles winking at the brim". There was an occasion (probably in the 5th) when he somehow so riled one of the class that the boy concerned thumped him. Like us, Wally was shocked, sat down, and told us that he couldn't possibly do any more teaching that lesson. As far as I know, no punishment was ever meted out to the boy concerned. (Colin Steward, 1953-60)
...there was a reference to "Wally" Walters whacking an ear, which
prompted me to consider organising a retrospective class action as he once
did this to me. I literally saw stars, which lasted much longer than anything
received in the ring in front of Daddy Scho or indeed from the latter's plimsole.
Punishment from Wally was deserved but disproportionate - I had pretended
to trip and thus drop a pile of books I was returning from my own class to
the cupboards at the rear of Wally's class where I had several mates. I was
then required to wait in the corridor pending George doing his rounds and
the inevitable cheek slap.(Martin Smith 1959-1964)
How many remember Soapy Walters the English teacher? I remember one afternoon when he had decided that some one had farted. Opening the door wide he instructed "get out the stinker". Of course there were no volunteers as he went round the class smelling every one. This produced great muffled mirth until some one blew a raspberry at which the whole class collapsed in hysterical laughter. A bit like something from Canterbury Tales. (Eddie Pond)
Wally Walters receives the accolade from me also! His parsing lessons held me in eager fascination - "Eh bo-ey! When he had complet-ted his ho-amwork...adjectival clause of time!" Even so, it took the French and Latin lessons before I really began to understand English grammar! ...and it was ages before I appreciated that the verb "to be" was a "doing word" (DGM)
Brian Mutton quoted a saying by Wally Walters regarding...' a sticky end.' Brian, you may be interested to know that WW was using this saying when I was there (50-7), and probably well before that. This reminded me of one of my pet subjects in this context...that our teachers were simply too long at the same school (and probably teaching the same subject year in/out). I believe there were several cases of teachers spending their entire careers at RLS. A lack of inspiration and enthusiasm was bound to be the consequence (with a couple of notable exceptions). (Terry Turner)
Frequently came to school with his pyjama trousers on under his suit. [AHL]
Another Weshman; loved particularly the WW1 poets (e.g. Sie...egfried Sasso...ooon ). [TT]
Very mellow chap... all literature was summed up as "a good yarn, boys" [CC]
... and no doubt Colin will recall how no-one in the class was allowed to read the "plum" roles as Wally kept them all for himself! If it was "Merchant", Wally read Shylock, "Twelve Night" - Wally Malvolio (though he would opt for Sir Wally Belch if Malvolio was not in the scene!), Hank Four - Sir Wally Falstaff, King Lear...? Of course, we used to take the mick, but there was method in the old Welsh git's madness as his renditions gave us a feel for and flavour of the use of language which even the most enlightened of use could not have achieved. He would always pause after a particularly good line and repeat and savour it - "Falstaff lards the lean earth..." - Yep! He'd read Prince Hal if Falstaff wasn't in the scene!!! Always the "best" lines for Wally! [DGM]
Apart from wearing his pyjamas under his trousers and picking on at least one
boy per intake to deliberately mispronounce his name, we haven't given dear
old Wally much stick so far...and this MUST be a particularly fertile area!
Here's a couple of "Wally" stories for starters: How about his pronunciation
of the phrase "Go and see the HEAD master, boy" with great stress
on the first syllable? And his poetry lessons! Hands up those of you who can
still recite: When the pods went pop on the broom, green broom, And apples
began to be golden skinn'd We harboured a stag in the Priory coombe And feather'd
his trail downwind, downwind We feather'd his trail downwind Or: But Hark!
The cry is "Rustum!" And Lo! The ranks divide And the great Lord
of Luna Comes with his stately stride Or: Har fleague, Har fleague, Har fleague
onward. Into the valley of death, Rode the six hundred. And, when doing Shakespeare
readings, he'd issue the parts round the class but keep the best ones for
himself. Did anyone ever get to read Shylock, or Falstaff, or King Lear? Not
in Wally's classes I'll bet!
And finally (for this time) After I'd done zero work in English Lit during
years 4 and 5, Wally (quite reasonably) flatly refused to spend RLS money
and put me in for O-level. My mother got wind of this and insisted I be entered
at her cost so I didn't dare fail!! I actually paid attention to every word
Wally said in the last three weeks before the exam and wrote down and revised
every question he predicted would come up. I got my second highest O-level
pass in English Lit. The day before a new autumn term started was football
trials and I was lounging in the goal by the High Trees fence when Wally sauntered
down his garden and asked me how I'd done in exams. I answered, smugly, that
I'd got a grade 2 in English Lit. and he nodded, even more smugly and said,
"Knew you would, knew you would" Inspired schoolmastership? Or just
a Welsh b******? Cheers, (DGM)
All I can remember (vaguely) is: "Water, water, everywhere, And all
the boards did shrink. Water, water everywhere, Nor any drop to drink."
and MOONFleet (similar stress on the first syllable) by - heck! who was that
by? "And, when doing Shakespeare readings, he'd issue the parts round
the class
but keep the best ones for himself. Did anyone ever get to read Shylock, or
Falstaff, or King Lear? Not in Wally's classes I'll bet!" The trick was
to read the parts *extremely* badly, like wot I did, so that he'd give up
on you and pass the part to some other sucker. (Andy Lee)
David has reminded us about Wally Walters': pronunciation of the phrase
"Go and see the HEAD master, boy" with great stress on the first
syllable? Something to do with him BEing WELsh perhaps? I'm impressed with
David's verbatim recitation (posh eh? - I had a good education you know) of
poetry, particularly of "Har
fleague, Har fleague, Har fleague onward".
All I can remember (vaguely) is:
"Water, water, everywhere, And all the boards did shrink
Water, water everywhere, Nor any drop to drink."
and MOONFleet (similar stress on the first syllable) by - heck! who was that
by? ((Info. note: 'Moonfleet' was by Meade Faulkner))
And, when doing Shakespeare readings, he'd issue the parts round the class but
keep the best ones for himself. Did anyone ever get to read Shylock, or
Falstaff, or King Lear? Not in Wally's classes I'll bet!
The trick was to read the parts *extremely* badly, like wot I did, so that he'd
give up on you and pass the part to some other sucker.
Mr. Walters was a devotee of Rupert Brookes, Wilfred Owen, Edmund Blunden and many other kinds of literature. His digressions were enjoyable, but too infrequent as he was a hard worker. Thick, moveable & trickily sardonic eyebrows. Taught grammar with flair and did inspire me to become a lifelong bookworm. ('A rollickin' good yarn, boy'). Whenever seen outside the school he was smoking a pipe. 'Ehhh boy! C'm'ere boy!' was his standard formula for calling one up for a cuff of the ear. He often threw chalk and with accuracy. (RP)
As long as there has only been one(!) is name was Cliff(ord). He added tone
and culture (and a sharp wit) to many a ribald conversation in the Staffroom.
Literature was in his blood, literally I suspect: his sister (Name Hayward) ran
a small bookshop just off
I sometimes wondered if he had been seriously involved in WW1 - though he appeared
just too young: he was not very healthy by the time I knew him - angina &
chest problems taking their toll on a rather regular basis.
I recall the many kind and encouraging comments he made when I was battling
with the LEA in the early days. (Bill Broderick)
One of those people of whom it is easy to say there COULD only be one Wally
Walters!
In my experience, although his little idiosyncrasies (well, we all have 'em,
don't we!) meant that he suffered his fair share of mickey-taking and schoolboy
"stick" (every RLS Rory Bremner had two favourite impressions -GHRN
and Wally Walters!) I reckon he was a fairly shrewd child psychologist and had
more than one little trick up his sleeve to get the best efforts from his
pupils while expending the least effort himself!
We always suspected he had a wicked sense of humour but it was rarely shown to
the pupils. I used to wonder about the little smile that almost perpetually
played round the corners of his mouth. I think I had Wally in mind when I
adopted that long ago signature, Smile - it drives 'em mad wondering what
you've been up to!
Like Robert, I have Wally to thank for my appreciation of the finer points of
English grammar. I suppose it says something about me when I admit that I
really enjoyed his parsing lessons - adjectival clauses of time, place, reason
etc! They would often be chanted on the playground in our best
"Wally" voices.
My first and last experiences of Wally: First - he SAVAGED my very first
English homework essay with red ink. Result - I was so affronted I made damn
sure he couldn't do it again.
His methods might not have worked with every pupil but I credit him with
knowing the way to get a bomb under MY backside! (DGM)
We played with this (well, there was one who didn't - too busy!) in one of
Wally's lessons and came up with another version which would have made some
sense: Souls triumphant? Never! Never flinch whatever fates attend...
But then we decided it didn't make too much sense after all as we could see no
good reason why our souls should be so emphatically untriumphant! (DGM)
C.L.Walters ...taught English in the fifties and whose sister, Mrs Hayward, owned Wing's Bookshop in Romford in a side street off the west of SouthStreet and north of the station. (Alan Lee)
Wally circa 1962 - joke? "Who wrote Macbeth boy?" "Please sir, it wasn't me." (Peter Robinson)
DGM wrote, " 'High Trees' was also the name of the house behind the
chain link fencing to the rear of the First XI pitch inhabited, at some time,
by Wally Walters. I guess it was at the end of the Edward Close cul-de-sac. Of
course its garden also bordered on to the RLS "High Trees"
area." I recall Wally walking home after school via
Old Wal' (Walters) as I believe we called him then (no recollection of" Soapy") - reading "Moonfleet" at age 12! I bet Eddie Pond suffered the same twenty years earlier, out of the same edition of the book I would not be surprised. Perhaps there was a lack of inspiration in the teaching. I have always felt there was one phrase that characterised the place: "Get it right boy!". I suspect that it was Mr Walters whence it originated. (Peter Robinson)
I knew him as Wally. I had no interest in English but I remember five
things.
Parsing: Now wasn't that fun? Not.
Nostalgia: I don't think a lesson ever went by without the use of that word
A good yarn: All stories were a good yarn, be it the 39 Steps, the Third Man,
or Chaucer
And 'does some boy want to go to the lavatory?' Every class
We read Silas Marner. I was bored to tears at the time but I saw the TV version
and have read the book a couple of times since. Now that *was* a good
yarn.(David Silverside)
Wally Walters - I remember one occasion when he told us to "scratch all filth off the desks!" One card asked "Do I scratch off VD?" Answer - "No boy, not letters, just filth!" (Mick Lee)
Wally's ghost has come round again, as is his wont, so I'll put in my bit.
He was my second favourite master (in retrospect)... quite kind really,though
he fancied himself as a kind of classroom literary lion.
Oner day, to my embaassment, he caused roaring laughter by reading a story we all had to compose as homework, ridiculing it in no uncertain terms. You can read orll abaht it if you are
nostalgic and go to 'A Good Yarn' http:/robertpriddy.com/H/Wal.html He did not give the name of the author, for which I was most thankful and, when he returned the work, his written comments were strictly on grammatical errors and no whiff of ridicule. After all, I had provided him with a showpiece for himself to dramatise, which had the class in fits as I never saw the likes of again in any class.
Wally had a special routine way of cuffing boys. First he would say in his
Welshy accent 'C'm 'ere, boy'. Usually, the victim would ritually present his
head and Wally would cuff flat-handed from the wrist joint only, just above the
lug'ole... never very hard. But once, while going to see a Shakespeare play at
another school, a chap called John Marsden really persecuted him by saying
'Wal' again and again and again in strangulated Welsh-sounding tones, and Wal
lost his rag and handed out a real swingeing cuff - or more like a death blow.
Some of his favourite yarns have been noted, to which I add 'The History of Mr.
Polly', 'Lorna Doone' (rollicking good yarn, that, boy), 'Two Years Before the
Mast', 'Mr Peyps Diary', 'Pride and Prejudice', Wilfred Owen (his countryman
and of Hare Hall acquaintance), Rupert Brooke and not least Edmund Blunden, who
he mentioned often during roll-call, for there was a chap called Blunden in my
class. Though few might be enticed, I also note that I also have an article
referring to Wal - more about Edmund Blunden and cricket http://robertpriddy.com/Nos/blund.html (Robert Priddy)
Wally claimed to have taught the young Richard Burton in his native
He was also very keen on cricket and suggested that we should peg our back foot
to the ground when batting in the nets so that we did not get too far forward!
(Bill Groves)
Bill Groves brought back the vision of Wally's lapel-gripping Shakespeare
ren(der)ings. He was doing this already in 1950, and his lapels were also faced
with a kind of black satiny material, if somewhat worn. !Must have become a
reinforced conditioned Pavlovian S-R reflex by your time(i.e. Drool over
Shakespeare - grip for lapel. Or perhaps the other way round?)
A classmate, Ian Rolfe, has just written and informed me that Wally Walters was
his house master (and mine). Wally discovered through an essay Rolfe wrote that
he knew his mother, who came from the same Welsh mining village. Strangely
also, the head of Rolfe's Geology Dept. at
The entire class waited day in any day out not only for Wally to say 'a good yarn', but for the extra approbation: rollickin'. To obtain this, Wally was asked about various adventure books whenever the chance arose, and some of those he had already praised were also mentioned. When efforts finally paid off, the effect was a kind of orgasm of powerfully strangulated glee! (Robert Priddy)
And what about Wally Walters? I still tell my kids now about how we always used to tip up Wally's book cupboard so that all the books fell out when he opened it. (John McCarthy)
What about Wally indeed! My fondest memory is of the said gentleman enjoining one of our English class (Tony Schutz as I recall - maybe not) to "Take your hands out from under the desk and don't fiddle!! STOP FIDDLING BOY, OR YEW'LL COME TO A STICKY END!!" (Said 4L English Class dissolves into uncontrollable gales, nay paroxysms, of laughter....) (David Gregory)
Talking of Wally Walters, does anyone remember Library Period which he took during the first form? The idea was simply to encourage boys to use the library by allowing time for private reading there. However, Wally had a maddening habit of periodically waving a volume about as he asked questions like " 'Ow many boys ‘ave read this book?" or " 'Ow many boys are interested in the stars?". The best bet was to keep your head down if you were absorbed in something interesting, otherwise you'd have little choice but to substitute Wally's choice for your own! He was a nice bloke though. (Bob Tucker)
Thanks for this memory jerker - I had forgotten all about those periods. This was, of course, in the crowded old library on the ground floor. (John Hawkins)
Wally Walters' teaching that "every good yarn should have a beginning, a middle and an end". (Andy Lee)
It was Ian *Pawley*; but (now I remember) one of the
teachers (Mr (Wally!) Walters - English teacher - Room 10!) mis-read his name
from the (handwritten) register as '
Wally Walters (what would he know!) insisted that the rules of English grammar, spelling etc. could be contained in a book approx half an inch thick whilst the irregularities and "exceptions to the rules" would require a volume four inches thick, thus making English the second most difficult language to learn. He was adamant that its difficulty was exceeded only by Turkish.
In an English lecture at college we discovered that there are 20-odd different ways of writing the sound "i" as in "ink" (quick example, women. You can think of the rest for yourselves!) and about twelve ways to pronounce the spelling "ough". That ought to make life difficult for the average Johnny Foreigner - but it doesn't seem so, given their willingness to learn our language. (David Maltby)
Graham asked: "does anyone else remember the Highwal Patrol? an intelligence service of which 007 would be proud?"
Indeed I do. I believe that it was instigated by my compatriot Graham ('Gray')
Walker (far left AYLAI on the 1964 photo, wearing a *very cool* waistcoat).
Agents would be positioned around the corridors, from the Staff Room (do any
List Members have memories of that Inner Sanctum that they'd like to share?),
along the ground floor, up the stairs, and along to Room 10. Secret hand signals
would be transmitted from one Agent to another, faster than the esteemed English
teacher could move.
By the time that he arrived at the appointed place all evidence of misdemeanours
(e.g. matchheads in the board rubber; drawing pins on the seat; all the usual
stuff) would have been concealed. All (carefully trained) Agents would slide
into their desks no more than 5 seconds later, to be admonished with no more
than "Sit down Boy". "Yes Sir". (Andy Lee)
In the 3rd year, we did 4x 35 min German lessons per week,
and I assume the 2nd year did the same....what did 'Tug'
Dear old Tug Wilson did a lot of things with his time in the
late 40's. To my personal knowledge he was the C.O. of our R.A.F. contingent of
the C.C.F. at the
I remember that Tug Wilson also taught Russian because I started to learn Russian in the lower 6th. (Graham Shuttleworth)Tom Wilson had been in the POW camp for RAF prisoners from which the 'Wooden Horse' escape was made: he was one of those who vaulted over the horse. He taught Russian and German, and, as F/Lt, was OC the CCF. He was also involved with the UNA Youth Forum. He left to become Headmaster of Coleshill Grammar School, Warwickshire. In recent years I saw in 'Christian Aid News' a report that he was giving talks on the Wooden Horse escape. In his last year or so, for some reason his presence gave rise to the singing of a line from the Jo Stafford hit: 'Ay Round the Corner, Oo, Oo'. This became abbreviated to 'Oo, Oo'. [JAS]
I understand that "Tug"
Eric at least made it back to the
I believe that Tug's principal instrument was the violin. [JAS]
I remember him well but he never taught me. He was indeed the CO of the cadet Core and looked typical RAF in his uniform and moustache. [MM]
I read this morning in the DT that Anthony Steel had passed away. In his
obituary it said:
"His break came in The Wooden Horse (1950), Eric Williams's story of
ingenious escape from a POW camp."
In the past it has been mentioned various times that Tug Wilson was involved in
this incident. Indeed, I believe it was J Alan that mentioned that after
leaving RLS he lectured on the subject. I heard that he played the violin as
one of the diversions. While I was at RLS it was general knowledge that he
played some part in the escape but in those days everyone wanted to forget the
war and it was swept under the carpet. What else is known about his
participation in this event? We have many new members since this was discussed
and perhaps they can throw further light on the subject? (Mike Merry)
Who is this Tug Wilson? There was a Tug Wilson in the 1940 intake. National Service Army Officer then went into the RAF as a flier. Is this one and the same? (Eddie Pond)
Also a popular figure was, of course, "Tug" Wilson, RAF Section commander. I was in the Army Section but remember clearly Tug arriving at school daily on his rattletrap bicycle wearing a very dashing boater hat, cycling down the drive to multiple calls of "Like the Bloaster, Fish Face" and other such silly schoolboy catcalls, which he took all in the greatest of humour. These 2 gentlemen contibuted to the RLS Spirit in no small measure. (David Gregory)
The Tug Wilson I knew was a member of staff, 1948-56 who left to become
Headmaster of Coleshill Grammar School, Warwickshire: taught German; served in
the RAF and was a POW in Stalag Luft 3; ran the CCF as an RAF officer; lived in
Tug
I never had Tug Wilson as a teacher. The "G" classes swore by him thought. I remember him as very RAF with a rather fruity voice. (Mike Merry)
Tug
"Tug" Wilson was first my German teacher and then my Russian teacher, until he left us in the lurch just before our exams by becoming headmaster of Coles Hill grammar school. I liked him, but I preferred Mr. Bradshaw as a German teacher. Both had German wives by the way. I once asked "Tug" how he had come to learn Russian. In the course of his answer he mentioned that he had first studied to become an engineer. Perhaps that was why he seemed to be constructing sentences in his head with a faraway look as he spoke Russian. All in all he was a nice man and more mature than your average teacher.(Geoffrey Moring)
Tug had been in the RAF in the war and had been shot down and imprisoned in Stalag Luft III. This was where they had an escape plot that included a vaulting horse placed in the parade area of the camp. The tunnelers hid in the horse and the trap door into the tunnel was under the horse. Dirt from the tunnel was carried away in bags under the horse. I think Most of you know the story which was made into a good film in 1950. Anyway Tug played a leading role in the whole affair as his role was to wander around the parade ground playing his violin (He was a passable amateur player). When the German guards got too close to the horse Tug would stop playing and the tunnelers would cease digging and stay quiet. The tunnel was completed and an escape effected but Tug was not one of those who departed. (Bernard Coe)
J. Alan Smith wrote: 'I understand that Tug Wilson's participation in the Wooden Horse was not in escaping but in jumping over it while the tunnel was being built.' I heard (don't ask me where from) that he was the one of those who were on the lookout for goons while the tunnel was being dug. He was playing the violin and some sort of change in his playing was supposed to be a signal that the jerries were prowling and that digging should stop until the coast was clear again. ??? (David Vale)
Tug led the 1955 party to Leverkusen.I also remember the violin story with the wooden horse. He had a powerful singing voice which was prominent at assembly. Never knew a pupil who had a bad word for him. He had a speech impediment - a result of a cleft palate I believe. Has he passed on or are we able to confirm the wooden horse story? (Mike Fruin 51-55)
I was in the RAF section of the CCF up until 1950 when I left school. Tug was our CO in the RAF SECTION and sure enough he was the musician in Stalag Luft III when the famous Wooden Horse escape plan hatched. He told us personally how he played his violin and didn't change the tune unless a Jerry Goon came on he scene. He introduced most of us to flying, the very first time we went over to Hornchurch RAF station and we all flew in a flight of Ansons in a snow storm. The flight was quickly aborted when the leader decided to put us all back down on Terra Firma. Tug was also responsible for several Summer Camps at Cranwell, the RAF College. The main purpose of which was flying training as potential Officer Cadets. (Fred Schofield 1945-50)
I remember Tug recounting his role in the Wooden Horse. His vigorous violin playing continued in the school orchestra whilst he sang with similar gusto. One of my favourite memories is of Tug refereeing a 1st XI football match. He was wearing his wonderful shorts and to time the match he placed an alarm clock on the floor y the half-way line flag. Half way through the first half the ball hit the clock which went spinning away - it was beyond help and Tug had to borrow a watch from a spectator who told him how long the game had been going on. I believe this was the last 1st XI game he refereed. Tug was great fun and enthusiatic in everything he undertook, the "role model!" I think we all appreciated in our different ways. (KLS 1950/57)
We have addressed Tug's life several times (72 on the old RLS Old Boys site) I am unable to locate another interesting item which was posted, probably on the other site we once used, which addressed Tug's move to a north of England school and where (it is said) he commercially exploited his wooden horse experiences by giving lectures on the subject.
I find it interesting that every once in a while a subject or name comes up and a discussion starts. When one searches the archives the subject is often found to have been dissected before. That's because membership has changed over the past seven years. Many events were seen by a multitude of pupils, all of whom remember them differently and who post when they recall them. I didn't remember for instance that Tug had a speech problem. I thought that the way he spoke was typical of RAF types during WW11. We learn something every day from these pages. (Mike Merry)
Subjects: Music
- Instructed School Choir
Nickname: 'Jonah'
Music? Jonah was an amiable buffoon. Jack Benny with the violin but without the jokes. Didn't teach me to play a recorder as I'd already learnt but offered me some fun in his recorder ensembles! (D.G. Maltby?)
Jonah - a most amazing man. I remember the recorder sessions in lessons -
those that could play did and those who couldn't were supposed to write down
in musical notation what we (the players) were playing. A pointless exercise
since in most cases those who couldn't play the recorder couldn't read or
write music! I remember one otherwise hard case being reduced to tears in
one lesson. In a weak moment I allowed myself to be persuaded by Jonah to
start learning the cello - I was playing the organ by then and he told me
organists usually made good cello players. Not in my case, I'm afraid - I
lasted one term and was also reduced to tears on one occasion. I note that
the comments say he resuscitated the school orchestra - but I believe he had
stopped doing that by the time I went to the Liberty (1953) - Francis Holmes
was conducting it by then. I'd love to see Jonah's film of the school again
- not least because I had a small role in it. He picked me out as looking
sufficiently
evil to be filmed handing in lines to the Prefects' Room. (Colin Steward,
1953-60)
"Jack Benny with the violin without the jokes" This line had DGM stamped all over it. It smashes Jonah’s violin over his figurative head. A complete biographical summing up the essence of 'Jonah' Jones as I knew him... it took two terms before he brought his (allegedly very valuable) violin (or viola?) into class. Then he stood with it and talked, digressing into digressions of digressions - occasionally propping the instrument under his chin (expectant class), then removing it -repeating this time and again, saying it was out of tune etc.... and he ended up playing just ONE note to demonstrate the tone and that it was out of tune! That was all I ever heard him play. What a come-down! Then it was back to key signatures, transposing some notes in five sharps into three flats, but not knowing what on earth it was all about. Just dots to be moved according to some cryptic procedure for no imaginable purpose! (Robert Priddy)
... the bloke who took us for music in the hall. He was as blind as a bat,
couldn’t see the clock at the back of the hall, and always asked the class
the time towards the end of each lesson. When he got 30 different answers,
he’d take off his thick glasses, pull out a magnifying glass, and, much to
our great joy and amusement, try to read the time from his own watch. He had
a violin case containing two instruments swathed in silk. Our lessons consisted
of singing folksongs from the class set of books stacked on the windowsill.
Every song had alternative (usually filthy) lyrics added in schoolboy handwriting,
and we would sing these lyrics as the teacher scuttled up and down the two
rows trying to find out who was singing the wrong words. He never found out,
of course. As a lover of music who still can’t play an instrument, I feel
that music in the only subject in which the RLS failed me.
I recall his silk (?) socks and his lisp ('Boyth! Boyth!'). I can also recall
more clearly how we spent the first ten minutes of each lesson. Jonah would
come in, balance his double violin (viola?) case across two chairs, sit down
next to it, and clean his glasses. He'd then delicately open the case, telling
us all the while how valuable his instruments were, unwrap one of them (both
were swathed in silk inside the case), screw a black chin support onto it,
place another piece of silk between his chin and the support, pick up his
bow, play a note or two, then lower the instrument to his side. Only then
would the 'lesson' begin! And usually he wouldn't play another
note! (David Vale 53-59)
Believed to have been of Russian origin. A master of expectoration. Responsible for the famous 1954 film of the school. Unfortunately the film is b/w & of poor quality now, but shows many of the teachers mentioned in the data-base. [TT]
That old Ash Grove must have been a "standard" for RLS music teachers! It was one of the first songs with which Jonah Jones tortured us in September '55. Jonah was also fond of "The Oak and the Ash" and "Hearts of Oak". [DGM]
Music master Alf Jones didn't have anything to do with Russia - so Spook Smith told me last year. He threatened us constantly with a visit from HMI but we knew that the HMI would be inspecting him and not us. We had to take his word that he had a very expensive violin. He certainly had superior quality socks. [ID]
We (1951 intake) knew the music teacher as Alf Jones, but I tend to agree
with John's view of him as 'a good musician - and indeed sadist - but a
completely useless class teacher;' He was responsible for the School Film made
in 1953-54 (when Peter Grubb was Head Boy). I recollect that he came from
He was also a wartime import who claimed to have just fled the Japanese in
time from somewhere in
We had to take his word that he had a very expensive violin. I saw this instrument on many occasions - but I don't think I ever HEARD it! Jonah would take it from its case at the start of a lesson, talking non-stop in that rambling way that he had, place a handkerchief (or some cloth or other) on his shoulder, under his chin, (still talking), get as far as picking up the fiddle and the bow, (STILL woffling!) but then, rather like Jack Benny, he would never get round to playing it as his train of thought took him off on yet another line of woffle. Finally the bell would sound and he'd pack the violin lovingly back in its case! [DGM]
Why was it thought that Alf Jones had a Russian connection? He left/retired,
c.1957 (he was listed in the 1956-57 Alumni & Year Book but not in that for
1957-58). It is probable that his school education was completed before 1917.
If his father had been based in
I liked the story of Jonesy as a KGB spy and can remember certain aspects
that might have encouraged it to develop. Of course when he came to RLS we and
the Russians were on the same side, and as well as getting the general
impression that he came to us from the Far East, he did once mention something
about knowing Vladivostok.
The second thing I recall was that when coming to the area he soon got together
sufficient instrumentalists to form an orchestra which he seemed to get great
joy out of conducting, and which gave a fund-raising concert in Romford which I
attended. The funds raised were to go to the Anglo-Soviet Friendship Society!
His Romford orchestra included just a few of the star performers from the School Orchestra, which he also managed to revive. Alf Jones' own son was one of the violinists, as was Ian Humphries who later became one of the Kings Singers. Another stalwart was the French master Mr. Smith (already referred to in the Staff file as a really nice bloke) who played the double bass which resided permanently in the school hall as there seemed to be nowhere else for it to go. As far as I am aware, it was never sabotaged. [JCJ]
I have a distant memory of Brian Sims asking him about his schooldays and
receiving the reply that they took place in
I believe he mentioned that his violin had been made by a pupil of Stradivarius.
He explained how those made by Stradivarius were the best, to which Brian Sims
said: 'My dad's got one of those.' Much later was the Tommy Cooper joke, using
the props of a violin and the picture of the Laughing Cavalier. [JAS]
He had these glasses like beer bottle bottoms, as well as the incredible lisp. We had music in the hall... and he would walk round the "choir"... for want of a better term!.. and the lads near him would sing in tune.. but everyone else would be hideously off-key. "Boyth.. boyth.. thomebody ith out of tune!!".. every week the same... he never did twig it. We specialised in singing "Drink to me only with thy NYTHS"... which drove him potty..."there ith no thuch word as nyths, boyth"... His claim to fame.. as well as the bike-crushing already mentioned.. was his movie camera.. and he would play films backwards at the Xmas Party.. our favourites were pole-vaulting ... and some lad eating porridge! [CC]
Old Alfie was very nigh blind
On many occasions he'd find
When his fiddling had stopped
The whole class had hopped
To t'other end of the hall-- how unkind (Phil Kingham)
In reply to Adrian: the CD I received had a soundtrack consisting in Jonah Jones' favourite music - Segovia playing various airs, graces and whatever... bearing only the most distant relation to what it accompanied. I recall that Mr. Jones regarded Segovia's stuff as about the peak of musical achievement, for his advice helped me to decide to buy my first guitar - with lurid palm trees on the belly, a rather bowstring-type neck and almost barbed wire as strings - for £5 in the biggest Romford music shop without case (daylight highway robbery - the 70-year old guitar teacher I found actually shed tears when he saw it! ). That Elton John, Burl Ives and the GREATEST then, Les Paul, who I wished to emulate, though unsure what an 'ELECTRIC guitar' was (and no one at any music store or elsewhere could tell me back then in 1952!! When I got mine, some people would actually ask, 'What's that you got there, a banjo?). What would Jonah Jones have made of Jimmy Hendrix or Jeff Beck, I wonder? Not a technological fellow, I'd reckon. (Robert Priddy)
I remember one Mr Jones aka Jonah, erstwhile music teacher and school filmmaker had a unique method of writing reports. Maybe it was because of the time spent on the film and lack of time on music or whether he had no idea who we were, I don't know. He had a large box into which went assorted comments and grades. As he came to each boys report he would pull out a remark and enter on the report. Parents were mystified as to why in one term a comment such as 'excellent would change to 'must try harder' only one term later. (Brian Boswell)
It's funny how many ex-RLS people went into music… and you only have to read the old RLS magazines to see the quality… Georgiadis, Ralph Holmes, Adrian Shepherd, David Pettit... considering that the music teaching… by Alfie Jones… was virtually non-existent.!! I seem to remember my brother Ian going into RLS on Saturday mornings for clarinet lessons... which were paid for by our parents. (Colin Calvert)
If you'd had Jones (Jonah) take you, it's a wonder ANY of us ended up with an appreciation of music. (Barry Kraushaar)
Barry reminded me of the useless music teacher Jonah Jones. Apart from vague rambling verbiage with much sputum about various decomposing composers I'd never even heard, all we got from him was meaningless work learning about the number of flats and sharps in each key signature and how to transpose on paper... had no relation to anything else, it seemed. The only memorable thing I retain was a fellow called Doggie Smith singing on demand by us (while Jonah was out of the room) a few lines of 'How Much is that Doggie in the Window?' No... Jonah did once bring a wind-up gram. and play some unremarkable piece from a symphony once... (Robert Priddy)
Sounds odd, but the lessons were cr*p, but Jonah playing Mozart on that player in one lesson was the first classical music I heard and got me hooked for life. I must be totally perverse for the worst teacher I had to have had the most effect on the next 45 years of my life! Is that why I'd never even heard of the Albermarle! (Stan Saunders)
I think it was Mozart he gave us too, but then he sang along to emphasise the theme... dreadful. However, to give him his due too, he was not bad at teaching the whole school in the assembly hall to belt out the school song, with the proper phrasing. He enjoyed conducting, lots of movement (as if fighting off a swarm of bees). (Robert Priddy)
Yesterday evening I was fortunate enough to meet a visiting economics
professor from
I remember when Alfie Jones came along to RLS a son of his came along too. I assume this chap would have been Harry's father (though of course it could've been an uncle). He would now be aged about 73/74 years. He had, of course, to be a passable violinist and I played alongside him in the school orchestra of that time. I suppose we could have viewed him as some sort of creep or fifth-columnist, but rather I felt sympathy for him in having Alfie as a father! (John C. Jennings)
I remember being in the main hall in February 1952, in Alfie's corner beside the stage, lustily singing"Drink to me only with thine eyes....", when a small messenger entered the room and spoke to Alfie. Alfie stopped the singing, listened to the message, then informed us all that the King had died. No more singing for the whole period. (Robert Stevens)
Mike Merry, in
"My grandfather, Alfred Janowitz, was born in 1906 in
Anyway, Alf immigrated to
In
His first move was to purchase a Kodak Brownie Camera. A double 8 spool load machine and a Kodak projector. He told me he had not got much money and the Kodak promised to be the best he could afford at that time. He had to go to Ilford to get this and recalled that the Kodak shop was down from the railway station just off the Broadway. He purchased rolls of eight-millimeter film and for the last week before he returned for the fifty-one/fifty-two school year, he spent all of his time around Romford and Gidea Park filming anything that took his fancy. He had the films developed and ran them at home through the Kodak projector. He spent the next year experimenting with various techniques and during the summer holidays of 1952, invited Marcel Paulin to Gidea Park where they spent a couple of weeks in a pupil/teacher environment with Marcel happy to pay his keep by teaching my grandfather all about making films. After that there was no stopping him. My father told me he critiqued he own work when he viewed the developed articles and made copious notes and what to follow and what to avoid in futures. By the time school returned for the Autumn term of 1952, he had formulated a plan which would make him Alf Jones, the film maker.” (a historical novel, based on solid facts about Jonah, at least, by Michael James Merry)
Alf's films were played backwards at some festive Christmas occasion, I don’t know if it was a class, or house, or school party... but most of us hadn’t seen TV and to see people we knew on film was quite something. Favourites were the backwards pole-vault... and, being 'orrible little lads,. the regurgitation effect of a lad eating his school dinner backwards was always well received!
My other memories of Alfie, who, for some reason, was always known as a White Russian émigré... probably of noble birth… were the group singing lessons in which he was surrounded by an area of harmony amid chaotic discord from those singers not adjacent to him as he wandered about.. trying to locate the problem!... and also the destruction of several bikes that had been left lying on the school drive while their owners were watching a cricket match. I was in the match and we watched incredulously as Alfie's Wolseley flattened them one by one… while he peered through the windscreen through his bottle lenses. He only lived just outside the school gate, but liked to travel in style. (Colin Calvert)